There's no such thing as a stupid question.... right?

Backgroud: Dad has always done my taxes. Numbers make me sad, so he always takes the bullet for me.

Me: Should I cash in my Canadian Savings Bond early?
Dad: You'll have to pay taxes on it. Unless you've been declaring the interest over the last 7 years.
[Beat]
Me: I don't know, have I been declaring the interest over the last 7 years?
Dad: Nope, I guess you haven't been declaring the interest over the last 7 years.
Me: Right.....

Forward planning

Dad: Man, that thing was heavy.
Me: How are you going to get the old tread-mill out of the basement?
Dad: [Beat] Hmmmm....
Me: Just leave it there - elephant grave-yard style.

I got this.

While paying for a tread-mill at Canadian tire:

Dad: Here, take the keys and go put the seats down in the back of the car.
Me: Sure.
Dad: Wait, do you know how to get them to lie flat?
Me: Come on. I have a Master's degree in an applied art, I'll be find.
Dad: [Beat] Yeah. Ok.

Cautionary Tale for Grown-ups

Context: Dad's picked his retirement date, but I've been saying for over a year that's not a good idea. He's the kind of person who needs to stay busy.

Me: Did you hear that Andy Rooney was hospitalized this week?
Dad: No, what happened?
Me: I don't know, I didn't follow-up. That's not the point. The point is, the man retired from his job then BAMB, 2 weeks later, he's hospitalized. Retirement is clearly dangerous.
Dad: Un-hun....

UPDATE - Andy Rooney died yesterday. Dad's getting an earfull today....

Perspective

Dad: We have a party that night to celebrate George's 85th birthday and 65th wedding aniversary.
Me: Aw man, wouldn't you just want to kill yourself at that point? That is just too long, on both counts.
Dad: [Beat] No, George seems like he wants to celebrate.

Out in the World

While paying for my selections at HMV....

HMV Dude: Did you see Sister Act 2 just went on sale?
HMV Lady: We should put aside a copy for Lisa.
[Beat]
Me: As a joke?
[Beat. HMV Dude starts laughing.]
HMV Lady: You 2 don't know what you're talking about - it's a good movie!

The Great Outdoors

Me: I'm thinking of taking a poorly planned hiking trip in northern England. One in which a helicopter rescue will be required. Interested in coming?
Dad: No, but on a related note, I'm thinking of going hiking at Tremblant this weekend. Want to come?
Me: Is there any chance that Price William might be available to rescue me if needs be?
Dad: No. No chance at all.
Me: Yeah, then I'm out.

A Game of Chicken

Dad on Saturday: "I'm not able to get into Game of Thrones. I think I'll just give you back your book."
Me on Saturday: "No no! Hold in there - at about page 200 it gets really engaging!"

Me on Wednesday: "So.... how's Game of Thones coming?"
Dad on Wednesday: "Yeah, alright, so it got good."
Me on Wednesday: "Ah ha! Seeee!"

Me on Thursday: "I'm reading Catcher in the Rye, but I'm not that into it."
Dad on Thursday: "Wait until page 200, then it picks up."
Me on Thursday: "But there aren't even 200 pages in the.... oh... I see. Well played."

(Dad and I play the long game sometimes with these.)

And mom comes out of nowhere.

While playing a Canadian-themed trivia game, Dad asks question (I can't remember) about a Canadian musician.

Me: Is it that dude from Bachman Turner Overdrive?
Dad: Which one?
Me: Bachman?
Dad: No.
Me: Turner?
Dad: No.
Mom: Overdrive?

Dude moment with Dad

Me: I never liked 'Gilligan's Island.' It didn't seem plausible. There's a dude known as the Professor who can make a radio out a coconut, but he can't figure out how to get them off that island? Come on.
Dad: Well, yeah. Did you ever consider Ginger and Marianne?
Me: (Beat) Oooooohhhhhhhh......
Dad: Yeah.

More email fun.

Me:
"Subject: query

Here it is:
Do we really need to maintain the North Warning System anymore? Seems
like a bi-coastal system might be more beneficial. Thoughts?"

Dad:
"In 1935 France said "We don't need to extend the Maginot Line all the
way to the sea because Belgium will stop an invasion from Germany before
it ever gets to French soil." They weren't prepared and it was too late
to start pouring concrete on the 5th of Sep, 1939.

Two days ago the Russian Ministry of Defence announced that by 2016 they
would spend hundreds of billions of dollars re-vamping their military,
including over 600 new aircraft. Last year Canadian F18s scrambled to
meet and escort Russian bombers encroaching on our air space in the
Artic. Maintaining the NWS is expensive in resources. If we save money
now, when do we start spending it again, for a replacement system?

Also, with the melting of the polar regions, and the expected growth of
maritime usage of the area, their will be an increase in the amount of
air traffic to service the ports and urban areas that will spring up.
When major development of resources blossoms into a major business, air
and ship traffic will also increase.

NWS will be available to monitor traffic and be able to assist rescue
efforts that will become common.

Will you be needing the car on Sat morn?"

Me:
"A simple 'yes' would have sufficed. ;-)

And, yes please."

Back to the future!

*This one is from a while ago.

Me: "Yeah, they say the world is supposed to end in 2012."
Dad: "So, wait. Right after I get the house and car paid off?"
Me: "Yes, all humanity will end right after that."
Dad: "Well that's not fair for me!"

Keep trying!

Me: "Seriously, I think you need a peacock,"
Dad: "No. They taste horrible."
Me: "I meant to dress up the front lawn."