Enough's enough

Honourary mom-based entry:

Me: "I just don't want to come all the way out here to feed that cat. There's nothing in it for me."
Mom: "What, you don't want to do something selfless and impress dad and I?"
Me: "Fuck, no. I've already got a master's degree, I don't have to try any more."

Hypocracy!

Me: "They're doing some sort of construction on the face of my building. And they're salty-mouthed construction workers."
Dad: "Didn't you just refer to a female author as a 'broad'?"
Me: "Damn, good point."